come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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