We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I FOUND THE LEGS
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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