I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
