I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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