My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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