That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
