Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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