i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize