Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
