I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
