Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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