Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
