went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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