i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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