you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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