my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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