I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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