you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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