my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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