So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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