i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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