Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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