i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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