yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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