I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
