I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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