is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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