Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
