Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
