i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Randomize
