I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
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Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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