u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
