Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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