just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
