i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
