spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
