I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
