She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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