She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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