Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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