Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
