my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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