you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize