No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
3 2 1 whiskey
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
