you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
