Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
