there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
