she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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