She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
