So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
