I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
