oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
