You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
