its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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