The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
