i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
