I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
