I wanna bring you to show and tell
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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