I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Please don't give away my fajitas
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
