he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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