i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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