Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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