Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
