no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
