just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
