i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
