Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
